Lifestyles & Erotica - Safe, Sane & Consensual
Portal of Dreams Alternaltive Lifestyles and BDSM supports Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC).
You may make the mistake of thinking because this is an online community that we do not follow the same guidelines as the bdsm community, that somehow this medium differs from what occurs in the real world. But I assure you, that we abide by all the rules and strictly enforce them, the people behind the characters here have real emotions and feelings and can be just as easily hurt emotionally and mentally, as a body could be hurt physically. Please try to remain within the guidelines and have fun, welcome to the Alternative Lifestyles aka BDSM.
(The following information has been borrowed from wikipedia and adjusted to fit our online world)
Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC)
Safe, sane and consensual (SSC) is one of several widely known phrases used by a majority of the BDSM and alternative lifestyles communities to describe themselves and their philosophies in regard to safety within what can be a dangerous lifestyle. Safe, Sane and Consensual is adhered to strictly here upon this website. Please take a moment to read over the brief outline we have posted below.
In relation to any BDSM activities the following should be taken into account:
  • Safe: Attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to health, both on a psychological and and physical level.
  • Sane: Activities should commence when both partners are in a sane and sensible cast of mind, drugs and alcohol can impair your judgement and senses please consider this when initiating activity.
  • Consensual: All activities should involve the full consent of all parties involved, no means no, even here online.
Let's expand a bit on Consensual. Consent is a vital element in all psychological play, and none more important than the online world at large, where predators abound and contact can be made so easily. Consent can be granted in a myriad of ways. A simple verbal commitment is sufficient in this online medium. In the online setting I recommend a private message, or private whisper check to those involved to be sure things are alright with them. If you have doubt in how the role play is going read between the lines, are their posts slower than normal, do they show signs of discomfort or strain? If so this would be the time to make sure they are consenting partners.
There are times however where you enjoy the acting out of a nonconsensual scene. This is called consensual non-consensuality. Consensual non-consensuality is a mutual agreement between the parties involved to be able to act as if consent has been waived. The basis of this agreement is that, subject to a safeword or other restrictions and inducing reasonable care and commonsense, consent (within defined limits) will be given in advance and with the intent of being irrevocable under normal circumstances, at times without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is a show of extreme trust and understanding and usually undertaken only after thorough conversation between agreeing partners who agree to set clear safe limits on their activities. It is not unusual to grant consent only for an hour or for an evening. When a scene lasts for more than a few hours, some might decide to reassess the consent periodically.
Couples should know each others likes and dislikes and play accordingly. As mentioned beforehand most arrangements typically use a safeword, a signal that the action in question has gone too far and that those in a dominant role should either stop that particular activity or that the session should end completely. All negotiations are null and void at the moment the one submitting withdraws their consent. The concept of "Consensual non-consensuality" is voided by the use of a safe word.
In the online world, we do not allow certain things on grounds of keeping things comfortable for our chatters and keeping us all out of trouble with the law. The main thing we are against is age play. At no time is it acceptable, with or without consent from the parties involved, to have sex with a minor not of legal age or of impaired mental state that does not allow them to think and make consenting decisions as an adult. It is not acceptable to forcefully require someone to roleplay or act out having sexual intercourse with an under aged child. It is a hard rule for this site that children are not allowed to rp, you must be 18 years of age or older to roleplay here, and any characters you create to roleplay here must be of 18 years of age or older. If you are found breaking this rule you get a hard warning, any further incidents will see you removed.
After reading the above information you should now be able to readily answer the questions below:
  • What is consent?
  • Who can express consent? (For example: children are typically not considered to be able to give consent to sex.)
  • When do we define consent as given?
  • When is given consent invalidated?
  • And are there activities that we still cannot allow, even with the victim's consent?
If you still are unsure about what defines consensual and what crosses that fine line into abuse, please refer to this link It defines the difference between Abuse and BDSM.
Limits (taken directly from Wikipedia)
In BDSM, limits refer to those activities that participants in a BDSM scene feels strongly about, and to which special attention must be paid.
Before a BDSM scene, it is common for participants to negotiate an outline of what activities will and will not take place during the play session. At that stage, the participants outline what they desire and what they will not tolerate, and limits are determined. For example, it is common to set a time limit on the session, to set a safe word and to prohibit sexual activity involving animals or children, besides other things.
Both dominants and submissives can set limits. Limits can be agreed to verbally or they can be incorporated into a formal contract. Though the terminology can vary, common types of limits include:
Hard Limit - Something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often considered just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship. Examples include "scat is a hard limit for me" or "I have a back injury, so striking on the back is a hard limit". Other common hard limits are any sexual activity involving animals or children.
Soft Limit - Something that someone will do only in special circumstances or when highly aroused. Example - "I will only do anal sex with a very experienced partner".
"Must" limit - Something that a person will not do the scene without. Examples include "lots of hair pulling is a must-limit for me" or "If you're going to log me, I'll need lots of aftercare".
Time limit - An amount of time after which play ceases.
No Limits - The dominant may do anything he or she cares to with the submissive. This is usually a sign of an inexperienced player who does not yet know what their limits are. In reality, even the most hardened and experienced players have limits. "No limits" play is more the stuff of porn and thriller movies than in actual, real-life BDSM. This is also sometimes used as a term for TPE or Total Power Exchange.
For more details on limits and a list and definitions of kinks and other helpful information please refer to this link.
If you are new to the lifestyle and interested in finding out more, or even if you are a long term member of the lifestyle and just want a look, here are some trusted links that can provide information.