Portal of Dreams Alternaltive Lifestyles and BDSM supports Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC).
You may make the mistake of thinking because this is an online community that we do not follow
the same guidelines as the bdsm community, that somehow this medium differs from what occurs
in the real world. But I assure you, that we abide by all the rules and strictly enforce them,
the people behind the characters here have real emotions and feelings and can be just as easily
hurt emotionally and mentally, as a body could be hurt physically. Please try to remain within
the guidelines and have fun, welcome to the Alternative Lifestyles aka BDSM.
(The following information has been borrowed from wikipedia and adjusted to fit our online world)
Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC)
Safe, sane and consensual (SSC) is one of several widely known phrases used by a majority of the
BDSM and alternative lifestyles communities to describe themselves and their philosophies in regard
to safety within what can be a dangerous lifestyle. Safe, Sane and Consensual is adhered to strictly
here upon this website. Please take a moment to read over the brief outline we have posted below.
In relation to any BDSM activities the following should be taken into account:
Safe: Attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to health, both on a
psychological and and physical level.
Sane: Activities should commence when both partners are in a sane and sensible cast of mind,
drugs and alcohol can impair your judgement and senses please consider this when initiating activity.
Consensual: All activities should involve the full consent of all parties involved, no means
no, even here online.
Let's expand a bit on Consensual. Consent is a vital element in all psychological play, and none
more important than the online world at large, where predators abound and contact can be made so easily.
Consent can be granted in a myriad of ways. A simple verbal commitment is sufficient in this online
medium. In the online setting I recommend a private message, or private whisper check to those involved
to be sure things are alright with them. If you have doubt in how the role play is going read between
the lines, are their posts slower than normal, do they show signs of discomfort or strain? If so this
would be the time to make sure they are consenting partners.
There are times however where you enjoy the acting out of a nonconsensual scene. This is called
consensual non-consensuality. Consensual non-consensuality is a mutual agreement between the parties
involved to be able to act as if consent has been waived. The basis of this agreement is that, subject
to a safeword or other restrictions and inducing reasonable care and commonsense, consent (within defined
limits) will be given in advance and with the intent of being irrevocable under normal circumstances, at
times without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is a show of extreme trust and
understanding and usually undertaken only after thorough conversation between agreeing partners who agree
to set clear safe limits on their activities. It is not unusual to grant consent only for an hour or for
an evening. When a scene lasts for more than a few hours, some might decide to reassess the consent
Couples should know each others likes and dislikes and play accordingly. As mentioned beforehand most
arrangements typically use a safeword, a signal that the action in question has gone too far and that
those in a dominant role should either stop that particular activity or that the session should end
completely. All negotiations are null and void at the moment the one submitting withdraws their consent.
The concept of "Consensual non-consensuality" is voided by the use of a safe word.
In the online world, we do not allow certain things on grounds of keeping things comfortable for our
chatters and keeping us all out of trouble with the law. The main thing we are against is age play. At
no time is it acceptable, with or without consent from the parties involved, to have sex with a minor
not of legal age or of impaired mental state that does not allow them to think and make consenting
decisions as an adult. It is not acceptable to forcefully require someone to roleplay or act out having
sexual intercourse with an under aged child. It is a hard rule for this site that children are not allowed
to rp, you must be 18 years of age or older to roleplay here, and any characters you create to roleplay
here must be of 18 years of age or older. If you are found breaking this rule you get a hard warning, any
further incidents will see you removed.
After reading the above information you should now be able to readily answer the questions below:
- What is consent?
- Who can express consent? (For example: children are typically not considered to be able to give consent to sex.)
- When do we define consent as given?
- When is given consent invalidated?
- And are there activities that we still cannot allow, even with the victim's consent?
Limits (taken directly from Wikipedia)
In BDSM, limits refer to those activities that participants in a BDSM scene feels strongly about, and to
which special attention must be paid.
Before a BDSM scene, it is common for participants to negotiate an outline of what activities will and
will not take place during the play session. At that stage, the participants outline what they desire and
what they will not tolerate, and limits are determined. For example, it is common to set a time limit on
the session, to set a safe word and to prohibit sexual activity involving animals or children, besides
Both dominants and submissives can set limits. Limits can be agreed to verbally or they can be incorporated
into a formal contract. Though the terminology can vary, common types of limits include:
Hard Limit - Something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often
considered just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship. Examples include "scat is a hard limit
for me" or "I have a back injury, so striking on the back is a hard limit". Other common hard
limits are any sexual activity involving animals or children.
Soft Limit - Something that someone will do only in special circumstances or
when highly aroused. Example - "I will only do anal sex with a very experienced partner".
"Must" limit - Something that a person will not do the scene without.
Examples include "lots of hair pulling is a must-limit for me" or "If you're going to
log me, I'll need lots of aftercare".
Time limit - An amount of time after which play ceases.
No Limits - The dominant may do anything he or she cares to with the submissive.
This is usually a sign of an inexperienced player who does not yet know what their limits are. In reality,
even the most hardened and experienced players have limits. "No limits" play is more the stuff of porn and
thriller movies than in actual, real-life BDSM. This is also sometimes used as a term for TPE or Total Power
For more details on limits and a list and definitions of kinks and other helpful information please refer
to this link.
If you are new to the lifestyle and interested in finding out more, or even if you are a long term member
of the lifestyle and just want a look, here are some trusted links that can provide information.